“The clothes make the man.” It’s a pretty common expression. It quite literally means that you can draw a conclusion, and usually a fairly accurate conclusion, about a person’s personality just based on what they’re wearing. In D&D, the type of clothes (or armor) a person wears will usually indicate with great accuracy what class he is but it’s less likely to accurately indicate what kind of a man he is – for that you have to look at his weapon.

During character creation most players I’ve gamed with will equip their character before they determine his personality. I know that’s how I usually do it. But I’ve noticed over the years that the personality of a PC is very often directly related to the type of weapon he carries. It’s like the weapon imprints a specific personality type on the characters wielding them.

So I’ve put together a list of my observations. This is simply my first-hand account of how I see things. It’s not based on any scientific method or precise sampling, it’s just what I’ve seen over and over again in the many years that I’ve played D&D. I think that despite my rather loose methodology the results are surprisingly accurate.

If you think I’ve really missed the mark on any of these I encourage you to leave your feedback in the comments section below. I also welcome new additions to the list. After all, there are a lot of weapons in D&D and my list just scratches the surface.

Sharp Weapons

• Dagger – A simple weapon for simple characters. As one of the cheapest weapons it’s often favoured by those who can’t afford anything better. If you use a dagger it’s because you like getting your hands dirty and prefer to get up close and personal.
• Long Sword – By selecting the most common sword on the market you announce that you’re practical and logic. You prefer to take the tried and true path. You believe that if something works, there’s no reason to change it.
• Short Sword – It’s rare for a character to use a short sword in one hand and nothing else in the other. You’re always trying to do many things simultaneously because you like to keep both hands busy all the time.
• Scimitar – Since most choose the scimitar because of its high crit property, that suggests that you’re an optimist who’s willing to take chances. As a glass half full kind of guy, you strive to see the best in everyone.
• Greatsword – Two hands on your sword at all times means that you’re focused. When a situation or problem comes up you want to do it right and you certainly only want to do it once.
• Bastard Sword – If you use the bastard sword with two hands then you likely share a lot in common with the adventurer who wields a greatsword. If you wield the bastard sword with one hand then you’re a show off who wants to be the centre of attention.
• Axe – You dislike subterfuge and prefer to cut to the heart of problems. You likely get along well with those who wield hammers.
• Pole Arm – Clearly the size of your weapon is just your way of compensating for other shortcomings.

Blunt Weapons

• Club – Your weapon if choice is a big piece of wood. You clearly don’t care what others think of you. You have a sense of adventure boarding on chaotic tendencies and will happily accept almost any challenge.
• Hammer – You lack finesses. You’re thick-headed and like to tackle problem directly and head on. You and the axe wielders generally have a lot in common.
• Mace – When it came to choosing a weapon you just wanted something heavy that you can smash with. This suggests that you’re opportunistic and rarely plan ahead.
• Quarterstaff – You call a long branch you likely found in the woods your weapon (or implement). You’re cheap. You never pay for a round. You’re likely frail and probably use the quarterstaff as a walking stick as often as a weapon.
• Fist – You don’t like to rely on others for anything. You want to handle all problems by yourself so that you know it’s done right. You’re not a good team player and have trust issues.

Ranged Weapons

• Bow – You don’t like people or gatherings. You’re not interested in meeting anyone new. You prefer that strangers keep their distance.
• Crossbow – You are the ultimate expression of the lazy adventurer. All you have to do is point and shoot, the weapon does all the real work. This weapon is favoured by overweight adventurers and old ladies.

Implements

• Holy Symbol – You’re exceptionally needy. You prefer to let someone else, someone in authority, make the hard calls. Once someone sets a plan in motion you’re the first in line to support them and make sure everyone else does too. You’re a yes-man.
• Orb – You have a short attention span and like shiny things. You’re easily distracted.
• Wand – You’ve lived a privileged life, you’re soft and consider yourself better than others, but you likely lack the confidence to tell your companions that this is how you view them.

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As a DM I’m always on the lookout for ideas that I can throw into my campaign. It doesn’t matter how seemingly irrelevant the source may be, once I put my gaming mind to work I can often come up with an idea for an encounter or an adventure in just about any source of popular media be it a movie, novel, video game, comic book or television show. The key is to imagine how the situation could be adapted to suit your needs. You’re not often going to find a situation or idea that’s perfectly suited for D&D when you experience it (sorry, the real world just isn’t a fantasy role-playing game) so you need to be creative.

To demonstrate the abundance of ideas in the most obvious places I focused my attention on The Simpsons. I think it’s safe to say that most gamers are fans of the show and that almost every scene and snippet of dialogue from the first few seasons is emblazoned in the minds of gamers in the 35-45 demographic. Yet even with a table of gamers who all possess near perfect recall of the earliest episodes of The Simpsons, you can still base an adventure or encounter around some of the best episodes and the players are unlikely to recognize that it was inspired by The Simpsons. To prove it, here are five examples.

“The Simpsons” Adventure Hooks

• The Telltale Head (Episode 7G06)

The PCs need to win over a group of rogues. Perhaps they are tying to join a thieves’ guild or they are just working undercover. In order to prove their worth the party steals a jewel encrusted head from a sculpture in the local church. The plan is to show the rogues what they’ve accomplished and then return the head. Unfortunately the decapitated sculpture is discovered before the PCs can reveal their spoils to the rogues. A substantial reward is offered for the head’s return. The PCs realize that if they show the rogues the head they’ll likely kill them for it to get the reward. What do the PCs do next?

• Simpson and Delilah (Episode 7F02)

The PCs find themselves in a town with corrupt politicians during an election. The downtrodden common-folk are looking for a fresh face to run against the corrupt incumbent. One of the PCs is eventually asked to run for office. The good news is that the PCs recently acquire a magical potion that temporarily raises the imbiber’s Charisma during social interactions. If they use the potion it will easily win over the masses and likely result in a landslide victory. The bad news is that there aren’t enough doses to last the entire election campaign and as strangers it’s unlikely the PCs will win without the potion. How does the party proceed?

• One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish (Episode 7F11)

The heroes are honoured with a feast after their latest victory. Unfortunately one of the delicacies they are served turns out to be toxic and there’s a good chance some or all of them will die by this time tomorrow. The Lord is so distraught when he learns he might have killed the heroes he gives them nearly limitless resources to do whatever they want during the next 24 hours. What does each PC do with his remaining time?

• Old Money (Episode 7F17)

The party is asked to undertake a rescue mission to free an imprisoned ambassador. Rescuing him should be a relatively easy task, but it will take a month to get to the prison and back. One of the PCs has recently fallen in love (with an older woman) and isn’t wild about leaving her as their romance is still budding. The heroes return to discover the lover has died. She bequeathed her entre fortune to the PC but asks he use it to help people. What does he do with his new found wealth?

• Three Men and a Comic Book (Episode 7F21)

The PCs find a magical tome in “The Android’s” dungeon. Any PC who possess the item receives increased strength and improved resistances. The benefits only last until the end of the PCs next extended rest. After that the PC must relinquish the tome for a full day before they can gain the benefits again. Any PC who benefits from the tome becomes increasingly paranoid for each day they don’t possess it and believes everyone else wants to keep the tome for themselves. The tome is incredibly valuable and powerful, but it seems cursed. Do the PCs keep it, sell it, destroy or, or worse?

With over 500 episodes and counting, The Simpsons can be a rich sources of inspiration for imaginative DMs. Every episode may not get your creative juices flowing but with so many to choose from you’re bound to find something you can use in your next campaign. Good luck!

Related reading:

• 9 Adventure Hooks
• Even a Regular Item Can Become an Adventure Hook
• Playing a Recognizable Archetype

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Today is Valentine’s Day so we decided to take a light-hearted look at the day most associate with love. All the members of the Dungeons’ Master team are happily married or in a long-term relationship, so we felt that we should do our part to help those looking for love. However, we are by no means experts on the subject so please take the advice provided below with the good humour in which it is indented.

It’s unfortunate that many envision the gamer stereotype as a lonely guy who’s awkward around girls. Although there are certainly a few gamers out there that fall into this category, in my experience many gamers are not really that much different that the rest of the non-gaming masses. Everyone is looking for someone and hopes to avoid painful rejection along the way. With that in mind we’ve put together some tips in the form of a skill challenge. By framing this advice in a familiar wrapper we hope that it will make it easier for all those gamers looking for love on Valentine’s Day.

Skill Challenge – Looking for Love

Although love knows no bounds, this skill challenge is set up for young adults. That’s not to say that older folks won’t benefit from these tips, but those in their 20s are like to find this skill challenge a lot more familiar than those with more life experience.

Setup

You’re young in looking for love. Do you really need more of a setup than that?

Complexity

Level will vary depending on your standards and whether you’re looking for a long-term commitment of just one night of fun and excitement.

Skills

Bluff, Diplomacy, Endurance, Insight, Stealth, Streetwise

Note: The DCs for these skill checks will vary considerably depending on the environment and the potential lover. Best to assume it will always be a hard check.

Bluff

Many believe that lying is a tried and true way to impress girls. That’s not to say they believe the lies, but it’s a foot in the door and it gets conversation started. The bigger the lie the greater the chance of being shot down. However, even an outrageous and obvious lie can still have a positive outcome if you play it right.

Don’t forget to make that Bluff check when you’re getting dressed. The correct attire, or rather the appearance of the correct attire, can make all the difference.

Diplomacy

For those who prefer a more honest approach there’s always straight-up Diplomacy. This usually requires incredibly confidence or a complete lack of shame. In either case honesty is often a better way to go. It’s always easier to remember the truth than some outrageous lie.

Diplomacy can also bee seen as the measure of courage. What you lack in finesse, you more than make up for in ambition.

Endurance

Only the very fortunate few find a perfect match with their initial try. For the rest of us it’s a long and often tiring process which requires Endurance. Developing stamina can have additional benefits if you manage to find a receptive partner.

Insight

There are going to be times when she’s just not that into you. It doesn’t matter how good you are (or think you are). If she’s not interested then she’s not interested. It’s rare that you can change her mind once its made up. A strong Insight check will save you endless embarrassment, and let you know when it’s time to move on to a more receptive partner.

Perception

It’s easy to spot something beautiful; it’s difficult to see through the façade. In many social settings people go to great lengths to make themselves look more attractive than they really are (see Bluff above). Keep your eyes open and look for any tell-tale signs of significant manipulation.

Stealth

In an environment rich with potential partners (a bar or night club, for example) men will often continue to look for love until they’re successful. It’s important that unsuccessful courting attempts are not seen by other women. It’s not that you don’t want to be seen, you just don’t want to be seen making the attempt or worse yet, striking out.

Streetwise

Finding the right woman can be difficult. Some men are content to settle, but those with more discernable taste will often take the time to survey the field before making any attempts at an introduction.

The Wingman

Never underestimate the importance or value of a good Wingman. His job is to assist you. With him on the scene you get an automatic bonus to most skill checks.

The Wingman should be skilled in Bluff, Perception and Streetwise. He’s your advance-man and the guy who helps you look better by comparison. He’s willing to talk to the less attractive friend or make other suitors look silly by comparison. Treat him right and your chances of success increase greatly.

Success

Success is measured by the company you keep. If you’ve got someone then you win!

Failure

The consequence for failure in this challenge is another night alone. But the good news is that you can keep repeating this skill challenge as often as you want until you finally meet with success. Good luck!

Related reading:

• Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal: There’s no harm in talking to girls

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This weekend the Giants beat the Patriots in Super Bowl XLVI (46). As one of the only people in North America that doesn’t follow pro-football I had no idea who was favoured to win this game, nor did I care. However, in the weeks leading up to the game I kept hearing people talk about the Giants vs. the Patriots. In my mind I kept thinking “If this was D&D, the Giants would crush the Patriots (assuming they were Human Patriots).” And that got me thinking, what would this type of confrontation be like in D&D if the members of each teams were the literal embodiment of their team name?

I’m not suggesting that it would be a team of Storm Giants playing football against a group of radical Patriots; I’m suggesting we actually take the sports out of it and just turn it into a straight up D&D-style fight. In this kind of confrontation you’d see a lot more support for teams with mean, vicious and powerful names. In a fight to the death I’d rather cheer for Titans, Giants or Bears over Ravens, Eagles or Dolphins.

This kind of battle would still require some semblance of order. So battles would continue to take place in an arena or stadium. People would still support a team and there would of course still be wagering on the outcome. The owners or General Managers would cultivate a team and control their actions.

In much the same way there is a salary cap in real sports, each GM would have an XP budget to build their team. In order to make things a little bit more interesting I’d allow the total number of “players” to fluctuate a little bit. This lets teams develop super-stars by spending more XP on a few select members. Winning teams would get bonus XP to build up their team the following season.

PCs could get involved with this kind of organized sports in multiple ways. The most passive way is to cheer for their favourite team and perhaps bet on the outcome. If the PCs meet the criteria for a given team (likely in the Humanoid Division) they can tryout and participate in the games. Finally there’s the opportunity for the party to acquire a team themselves and become the GMs. They can run the monsters on their team as they battle for the top prize. Depending on when the PCs come aboard they might even get to draft or recruit new team members for the upcoming season.

As I mentioned I’m not a football fan, but I am a hockey nut. So let’s look at one possible imagining of how the NHL might look in this kind of situation.

Animal Division

• Bruins (Bears)
• Coyotes
• Ducks
• Panthers
• Penguins
• Predators (Saber-tooth Tigers)
• Sharks
• Wild (Bears)

It’s safe to say that the Ducks and Penguins will be at the bottom of this division. The Sharks will certainly have a disadvantage as they are water-bound, but any terrain that forces their opponents to be even partly submerged in water will make for an interesting match-up. I think the Predators, Bruins and Wild will battle for top spot in the Animal Division.

Humanoid Division

• Canadiens (Humans wielding “sticks” quarterstaffs)
• Canucks (Canadian lumberjacks armed with hand axes)
• Blackhawks (Fierce tribal warriors armed with tomahawks)
• Blue Jackets (Patriotic freedom-fighting warriors)
• Islanders (Fisherman armed with nets and spears)
• Kings (Noble heirs equipped with superior armor and weapons)
• Oilers (Dwarven miners armed with hammers and pick axes)
• Rangers (Human cavalry)
• Sabres (Elves each wielding two scimitars)
• Senators (Human centurions)

As these are all humanoid armies it’s really anyone’s fight. If the Kings and Rangers remain on horse-back then they’d likely have an edge, but I think this division would be very evenly matched year after year. I think the Rangers, Oilers, Sabres and Blackhawks would likely take the top spots with most consistency.

Elemental Division

• Avalanche (Cold)
• Blues (Thunder)
• Flames (Fire)
• Hurricane (Force)
• Lightning (Lightning)
• Stars (Radiant)

Assuming that these teams are made up of elementals or beings that channel these kinds of energy then much like the Humanoid Division, the division title is up for grabs. As long as the creatures are more-or-less balanced then it all comes down to smart tactics. I’d give a very marginal edge to the Hurricane or Stars but these teams by no means have the top spots locked.

Monster Division

• Capitals (Constructs/Golems)
• Devils
• Flyers (Black Dragons)
• Jets (White Dragons)
• Maple Leafs (Treants)
• Red Wings (Red Dragons)

Getting the team names in this division to match up with appropriate D&D monsters was by far the most difficult and required some imagination. Baring any other interpretations the Flyers, Red Wings and Jets have an edge because, hey they’re friggin’ dragons! However, the Devils may yet prove their competitiveness in this division depending on which type suit up.

Whether you choose to have the players get completely emerged in this kind of sporting event or just have it happening in the background, it can provide an interesting departure from the typical D&D encounters your players usually face week after week. If hockey’s not your sport, try going through this exercise with any of the other pro-sports leagues. In the end this idea has the possibility to create as much rivalry and loyalty in your game as real life teams do outside of the game.

Related reading:

• Should Monsters Employ Smart Tactics?
• A World Run By Monsters: How Daybreakers Inspired My Campaign
• Adventuring Company Symbols

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The latest trend sweeping the D&D Blogosphere is to answer the GM Questionnaire. It was posted on Wednesday by Zak S at the website Playing D&D With Porn Stars. He’s asking people to post their answers in the comments section of his website or to post them on your own blog and share the link. Today I’ve decided to join in the fun and share my answers to Zak’s 23 Questions. I encourage you to answer the questions yourself and either leave the responses in the comment below or visit Playing D&D With Porn Stars and post your answers there.

Please note that the Playing D&D With Porn Stars website does contain some material that may not be suitable for all readers. There’s also a good chance that if you try to visit this website from a work or school computer that it will be forbidden (at least it was for me).

1. If you had to pick a single invention in a game you were most proud of what would it be?

The single gaming invention I’m most proud of is this blog. However, I don’t really think that’s what the questions asking.

Although we likely weren’t the first to come up with the idea of two-hit minions, we certainly did a lot to refine them and then spread the word to the 4e D&D gaming community. So even though we didn’t invent them, I’m certainly proud of our part in making them popular.

2. When was the last time you GMed?

I GM every week at D&D Encounters, so Wednesday which was two days ago.

3. When was the last time you played?

I play every Sunday, but as luck would have it I got to play and DM at D&D Encounters this week so in this case the last time I played was Wednesday, two days ago.

4. Give us a one-sentence pitch for an adventure you haven’t run but would like to.

The heroes are sent to retake a fortress that fell to invaders, but just as they gain control the fortress is attacked and now they have to defend the keep that they just took over themselves.

5. What do you do while you wait for players to do things?

Pay attention to what’s going on in the game. This is my #1 pet peeve in gaming. Just because it’s not my turn doesn’t mean I can tune out.

6. What, if anything, do you eat while you play?

Chips. Ketchup flavoured Lay’s or good old Classic plain Lay’s chips.

7. Do you find GMing physically exhausting?

Sometimes. When I’m creating the adventure from scratch the prep work can certainly be exhausting. However, once I’m at the table running a game it’s all down hill and sometimes it seems to run itself.

8. What was the last interesting (to you, anyway) thing you remember a PC you were running doing?

I have a level 18 Dragonborn Warlord who has focused on enhancing his Dragonbreath racial power. Getting to use the blast 6 breath weapon six times during one encounter was pretty awesome and certainly interesting (to me).

9. Do your players take your serious setting and make it unserious? Vice versa? Neither?

I think the mood and the seriousness or silliness of any game really depends on the players themselves. No matter how serious a setting is, players that want to joke around will find the silly side of it. I don’t remember any circumstances where a silly setting was made serious. If they start silly they usually remain silly.

10. What do you do with goblins?

Throw as many of them at the PCs as they can handle (and then some). When we used to play 3.5e D&D I liked to give Goblins advanced levels in Fighter, Rogue, Barbarian and Monk. The players never knew if these Goblins were the level 1 versions out of the Monster Manual or beefed up combat champions. They only underestimated Goblins once. After that they always treated them with caution.

11. What was the last non-RPG thing you saw that you converted into game material (background, setting, trap, etc.)?

My office building. In fact we’re running an article about it next week for this month’s blog carnival.

12. What’s the funniest table moment you can remember right now?

As the PCs were about to board a train the Cleric decided to cast a divination to see if they’d have a safe trip. I made a secret roll for the results and it was the worst possible outcome. Although nothing bad was going to happen the Cleric was convinced the train would crash. He unintentionally started a riot and people ran screaming from the train station. To this day whenever the PCs need to board the lightning rail they ask the Cleric if it’s safe to which he promptly gives them the finger.

13. What was the last game book you looked at–aside from things you referenced in a game–why were you looking at it?

My FLGS just started carrying old D&D adventures (I mean really old adventures). This Wednesday night before D&D Encounters I was looking at A1-4, Scourge of the Slave Lords collection. I’ve never played this adventure but many of my friends swear it’s one of the all-time greats. As much as I wanted it I wasn’t about to pay $50 for such a beat up copy.

14. Who’s your idea of the perfect RPG illustrator?

Either Jeff Easley for show pieces or Wayne Reynolds for action shots.

15. Does your game ever make your players genuinely afraid?

I’d have to say no.

16. What was the best time you ever had running an adventure you didn’t write? (If ever)

Running the first Lair Assault (Forge of the Dawn Titan) in the fall was certainly a high pint for me as I rarely run adventures from modules any more.

17. What would be the ideal physical set up to run a game in?

I don’t see much room for improvement on my existing game room. Check it out for yourself.

18. If you had to think of the two most disparate games or game products that you like what would they be?

One of the simplest games I enjoy is Zombie Dice from Steve Jackson games. It’s about as basic a game as you can get. On the other end of the spectrum is the Dresden Files. More so than most role-playing games I’ve tried, the Dresden Files is what you make it.

19. If you had to think of the most disparate influences overall on your game, what would they be?

My games often draw a lot of influence from comic books. The stories are full of larger than life characters doing remarkable things. On the flip side I enjoy watching a lot of gritty, cop shows in which the officers struggle to make sense of tragic and often unthinkable crimes.

20. As a GM, what kind of player do you want at your table?

I want players that are imaginative and easy-going. They have to take the game seriously but recognize that it’s still just a game. I want players who respect the other gamers at the table.

21. What’s a real life experience you’ve translated into game terms?

So many to choose from… I often look at real life through my “Gamers Goggles” so it’s hard to pick just one. It’s not any one huge thing as much as many little things. A good example is the Battle for the Remote Skill Challenge, inspired by a real conflict that took place in my living room.

22. Is there an RPG product that you wish existed but doesn’t?

If I could think of one I’d try to invent it myself.

23. Is there anyone you know who you talk about RPGs with who doesn’t play? How do those conversations go?

I’m always telling my wife stories about my D&D games or writing for Dungeon’s Master. She usually nods politely but I can see the eyes glazing over. I’ve learned over the years to preface these conversations with “I know you won’t care, but in my D&D game last weekend…” This gives her a heads-up that she can turn off her brain while I yammer on for a few minutes. However, in most cases she does listen and will laugh if it was a funny story. After all I’m not about to bore her with things like “let me tell you about my character.”

Be sure to check out the answers that some of the other bloggers have posted on their websites. Here are links to just a handful of other respondents.

1d30 | Alex Schroeder: RPG | Cobblestone Chaos | Dungeons & Donuts | I’d Rather Be Killing Monsters | The Polyhedral Dicebag | Red Moose Games | Rolang’s Creeping Doom | The Chronicles of Canth | The Savage AfterWorld | The Sky Full of Dust | Wrath of Zombie’s Blog

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While the Dungeon’s Master team enjoys some well-deserved vacation time, we’re breaking out the greatest hits and shining a spotlight on a few of our favourite articles from 2011. We’ve searched for hidden gems that our newer readers might have missed and our long-time readers will enjoy reading again. Enjoy a second look at these greatest hits from Dungeon’s Master.

No matter where you play D&D – at conventions like GenCon, at your FLGS or even at home – there are certain expectations regarding behaviour that all players are expected to follow. We take for granted that most of these things fall into the “common sense” category and assume everyone understands what’s expected of them. However, experience has taught me differently.

I’ve learned the hard way that when people participate in public-play D&D they tend to do things they’d never do during a home game. It’s as if they believe that public-play games give them a free pass with regards to a lot of very obvious objectionable acts. After seeing many of these violations in full force at GenCon this summer I had to write down some of the most egregious and appalling ones. My hope was (and still is) that gamers will read this list, realize they’re guilty of doing some of these things, and make a point of never doing them again.

During D&D Encounters over the past year I’ve witnessed a lot of these things with unfortunate regularity. As the DM I try to “correct” some of these poor practices, but it’s tough, especially because I don’t know a lot of these people very well. And I don’t think that it should always fall to the DM to be the bad guy.

I think that we all need to share the responsibility for letting other gamers know when they violate the social contract. Whenever any of us spots the things on this list happening we should do our part and inform the violator of the inappropriate actions they’ve undertaken. By working together we can make public-play D&D better and eliminate the 7 appalling things I witnessed at GenCon.

From August 12, 2011, Dungeon’s Master once again presents: 7 Appalling Things I Witnessed at the Gaming Table.

While at GenCon I played in my share of D&D adventures. For the most part it was a lot of fun and I had a great time playing. But one thing that really stood out for me a lot more this year than any other was the egregiousness with witch other players violated the social contract you agree to uphold when playing D&D or any RPG.

I’ve put together a list of all the social faux pas and violations of the social contract that actually happened at my gaming table during GenCon. I encourage you to use the comments section below to add violations you witnessed at your gaming tables to this list. Maybe if we put them in print enough gamers will read them and hopefully stop doing them or at least realize that these actions aren’t acceptable.

I’ll admit that I’m actually guilty of a committing a couple of these myself, but when I do I am aware that it’s a problem and I apologize to the table. Regrettably when these happened at my table during GenCon none of the offenders excused their behaviour because they likely didn’t even realize that they what they were doing was extremely uncool.

1. Answering the phone

   Everyone has a cell phone. It’s instinctual to answer it when it rings. I understand that it could be an important call so I’m fine with someone excusing themselves from the table and answering it. But if you’re in the middle of your turn don’t stop to answer the phone. But if you do, be quick and take a message. Don’t start into a full on conversation. “Oh, hi. I’m just playing D&D. Yeah, that sounds great. I’d love to go there afterwards for drinks. I’ll have to get changed first. Why don’t you call Steve and see if he wants to come with us…” Unless you’re a doctor and you’re on call, let it go to voice mail until after the encounter’s over.

2. Eating at the table

   I’m not suggesting that we impose a no food at the table rule. Snacking is practically mandatory at the gaming table. But if you’re going to eat, be neat. Don’t let crumbs scatter all over the table and the battle mat. If you’re eating something with your fingers please wipe them after you’re finished and don’t touch anything, like the rest of the party’s minis, until your hands are clean.

3. Hogging table space

   There’s plenty of room around the table for everyone to have adequate space for all of their stuff. I usually have two hardcovers side-by-side, my character sheet on top of one and my power cards, dice, pencil, eraser, fortune cards, and note paper on top of the other. If everyone confined themselves to this amount of real estate we’d be fine and have room to spare, but some people have a need to unpack everything they own on the table. I’ve had to politely ask more than one player if he could move some of his stuff over so that I could have more space.

4. Shut the hell up!

   I’ve found that many gamers are very social; at least when they’re around other games. But this doesn’t mean that you need to yammer on throughout the entire game. When it’s your turn, hog the spotlight, ham it up, be the centre of attention, but when it’s someone else’s turn be quite. Don’t have a side conversation with the other players. More than once I couldn’t hear the DM because other players were talking over him. If something is so important that you have to talk about it now, get up and leave the table for a few minutes.

5. Taking without asking

   Just because something’s on the table doesn’t mean that you can use it without permissions. I’m a gamer with many dice superstitions, one being that no one but me can ever touch my dice. If you need to borrow dice, I’m happy to lend you a spare set. But the dice on the table are mine so hands off. If you need to roll 3d6 and you only have two, reroll one of them. I’m not as strict with other things as I am with my dice. If you want to use my pencil or eraser that’s fine, but please ask first. If you want to look at my bag of minis that’s also fine, but please ask first. I was appalled by the sense of entitlement I witnessed at my table. And it wasn’t just in the younger players.

6. Taking forever

   All of the players I gamed with at GenCon were veterans of LFR. Everyone had played before and in most cases had used their character over many levels. The lowest level PC at any of my games was level 6. So you know that these characters were used through many adventures. Why then does it take people so long to figure out what to do on their turn? Maybe you haven’t played this character in a while, but by the second encounter it should start coming back to you. The powers haven’t changed since the pervious encounter. Know your character. And if you’ve got a power that uses d8s for damage then have a few d8s ready. It shouldn’t surprise you that you’re going to need them.

7. Not paying attention

   Some characters are not suited to excel in every situation. If you’re a battle-heavy Dwarven Fighter with no social skills then the encounter where the PCs have to talk to the Duke and gain information is going to bore you to tears. I get that. But have the courtesy to pay attention anyway. I saw people tune out and play games on their iPad or iPhone when their character wasn’t center stage. I even saw one player pull out crossword puzzles. He didn’t even try to hide the fact that he wasn’t paying attention. In my opinion, tuning out to this extent is disrespectful to the other players and the DM.

I’m sure this is just the tip of the iceberg. What did you witness at the gaming table during GenCon or at any game played in public that you feel should be added to this list?

Related reading:

• The Gaming Jerk
• Are All Gamers Fat?
• 10 Things I Learned at Worldwide D&D Game Day

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With Christmas less than two weeks away I felt it was a good time to dust off this holiday-themed article from the Dungeon’s Master archive and give it an encore performance. First published last December, this D&D holiday-themed tale was inspired in part by real events that happened in my household over the holidays. Merry Christmas.

Originally published on December 15, 2010, Dungeon’s Master once again presents: Christmas With the Gamer.

I’d rather be playing D&D. But it’s Christmas and my family is coming over for a big holiday dinner. So I’m forced to settle for the banality known as real life for the next few hours.

I lumber downstairs from my bedroom, making no effort to be stealthy. Anyone in the living room or kitchen with a half-way decent passive perception knows I’m on my way. As a triggered action when I reach the bottom of the staircase my mother, the controller, starts giving me orders. I have to clean the basement, playfully called the dungeon, before company arrives.

As I pass by the living room I notice my father watching football. My dad is the epitome of the Warlord class. He’s a generous leader who constantly gives up his actions to let other act in his place. Whether that action is taking out the trash, cleaning the basement, or mowing the lawn, he’s always been very generous and giving. He’s just that kind of guy. Even when my mother asks him to do something he takes advantage of his class features to give up his action and let someone else do twice as much on their turn.

The dungeon is a disaster area. There is clutter everywhere. I manage to make my Acrobatics check to avoid stepping on anything hazardous or breakable. I even manage to make my Athletics check to successfully jump over a small table that’s in my way.

As I assess the room I need to figure out the best way to tackle this problem. I can do the fast and easy thing, and just shove everything haphazardly out of site. But that means that I’ll have to just go through it all again later when I actually need to find something. That’s a skill challenge I don’t want to do. Better to just do it the right way the first time and put things where they belong.

Half-an-hour passes and I’ve already failed three Endurance checks. I have to sit down and have a refreshing beverage while I take a short, 5-minute rest. Just as I’m debating a second short rest, my passive perception is surprisingly good enough to hear company coming in the front door. It’s my aunt and uncle from the sounds of it.

I opt for Stealth and hope that if my mother doesn’t hear me she’ll forget I’m down in the dungeon. Greeting the relatives is an encounter that’s best avoided until reinforcements arrive. My mother calls for me to come up and say hello. I use Bluff and tell her I’ll be up as soon as I finish cleaning the dungeon. I only hope she fails her next Insight check or else I’ll get a second call shortly, this time with a mind-affecting compulsion thrown in for ensured obedience.

I finally manage to get the dungeon organized when I hear those reinforcements arriving. My brother, his wife and two kids charge through the front door. Time for me to take initiative and join the encounter.

When I get to the top of the stairs I see the kids have enthralled my father. His low Will defense made him an easy target for their “Pay Attention to Me” aura. My sister-in-law has already joined my mother in the kitchen to help with preparations.

One of my nephews makes his Perception check and spots me. He immediately charges me, arms wide, attempting to get me in the inescapable “Bear Hug of Childish Might.” My brother, a valiant fighter and strong defender takes his opportunity action to grapple the little guy as his son runs through his threatened space.

I move carefully around the room, avoiding the difficult terrain of coats and boots left sprawled throughout the hallway and front room. I fail my perception check and don’t notice the puddles of melting snow that have accumulated beneath the boots. The water trap gets me and I’m forced to suffer the indignity of ongoing “wetfoot” until I make a save and change my socks.

I perform my duties by hugging and greeting all of my relatives. Other than the water trap, I get through the encounter unscathed. From the kitchen my mother suggests that I take the kids downstairs to play until diner time.

I fail initiative and the kids rush past me and down the stairs before I can even shout for them to be careful and not to run. Clearly there’s some chaotic in their alignment. I believe they get that from their mother, a Bard if I ever saw one. She’s a performer and an adventurous spirit who is always trying new things and taking up new hobbies. And she’s clearly the leader in her household.

Keeping the kids entertained is a skill challenge I’ve had plenty of practice with. I know that pretending to be overjoyed in their presentence is an easy Bluff check that guarantees one success. An Intimidate check can often earn another success by threatening to tell their mother if they misbehave. Where I usually wrack up an early failure is failing my Endurance check. I just can’t keep up with a couple of active four-year-olds.

I manage to keep them entertained until dinner by teaching them a couple of new games I had the foresight to look up online before their arrival. That Streetwise check required some digging, but I knew it would pay off.

The kids make their Perception checks and hear movement in the dinning room. They tell me what they hear and anticipate dinner is forthcoming. Sure enough they’re already half way up the stairs when we’re called to the dinner table.

The next encounter begins when I enter the dining room. I try to make a History check and remember who I was sitting next to last year and whether or not there were any issues. My mind’s a blank. Oh well, I just sit in the nearest chair.

My brother delays his turn and doesn’t choose his seat until much later in the initiative order. My uncle sits to my right and my sister-in-law to my left. My brother comes off of delay and chooses the seat across from me.

As more and more food is placed on the table I remember just how adept my mother is with the culinary arts. The things she can do in the kitchen are nothing short of magical. Just by looking at all of the food on the table I can tell that she’s outdone herself again. Every year she performs the “Holiday Feast” ritual and every year she gets a higher and higher result on her Nature check. The fact that she’s got another years worth of experience and a number of helpers assisting doesn’t hurt either.

Before the meal begins someone has to perform the blessing. My aunt takes point. I always envisioned her as a Cleric. She’s trained in Religion, has clearly taken the skill focus feat and is certainly a leader in her professional life as well as at home. We bow our heads as she begins saying grace.

My uncle the Rogue, knowing that everyone has their eyes closed and heads bowed takes this opportunity to secretly kick me under the table in an attempt to make me laugh. He lands a solid, yet playful blow, taking me completely by surprise. The combat advantage he gained because my eyes were closed let him follow-up his attack with a poke to my belly as a minor action. I start laughing against my will, alerting everyone that something’s up.

I don’t need to have a good Insight to know that my mother is angry at my outburst. My aunt ignores the interruption and continues as if nothing’s happened. I glance at my uncle but he’s sitting as still as a statue. His Bluff is so convincing no one even suspects his guilt.

My brother, sitting across from me gives me a knowing wink. I try making another History check and this time I’m successful. I suddenly remember that he fell victim to the same attack from our uncle during last year’s dinner. Clearly he made his History check before he sat down which explains why he delayed his action until after both my uncle and I were seated. Clever.

As food is passed around I rely on my Perception to help me decide on which foods look and smell the most appealing. With a successful Thievery check I grasp the oven mitt under the really hot bowls as the come around. This year I manage not to burn my fingers in the process.

When dinner is finally over everyone starts moving into the living room where they search for the best spot to collapse and watch sports. Clearly most members of this party failed their save against gluttony and now they need to rest.

The last thing I want is to have to spend an entire evening with my family. I use Diplomacy on my mother and ask her if I can sneak away to my friend’s house later. I give myself a pretty substantial modifier to this check by helping with the dishes and clean up before even being asked. Success, I get the green light to go.

With things winding down I make my move and slip away from the commotion. I grab my gaming stuff and head for the front door. It looks like I’ll make my D&D game after all. Finally, a chance to focus on D&D and leave my real life behind for a few hours. If it wasn’t for fantasy role-playing games I don’t know how I’d pass the time.

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Today is Black Friday in the U.S. and while those of us in Canada and the other countries around the world suffer through another day of work, our American brethren get to experience this shopping extravaganza. To mark the occasion we decide to do something a little bit different. While looking through our extensive archive I came across this gem and thought it was a good time to run it again. Enjoy.

Originally published on December 11, 2009, Dungeon’s Master once again presents: The Holiday Shopping Skill Challenge.

‘Tis the season for giving and receiving gifts. Regardless of your personal or religious reasons for celebrating during the holiday season, everyone likes getting gifts. This is no secret to retail merchants. They know that you’ll be shopping for everyone on your list at this time of year and they want you to spend, spend, spend.

Shopping for Christmas presents can be a lot of hard, grueling work. It’s the part of the holidays that I like the least. So I decided to look at a challenging, real life situation through my D&D coloured glasses (as I so often do). A few months ago we put together a skill challenge called Battle for the Remote. It’s in that same vein that I present a holiday themed, real life skill challenge called Holiday Shopping.

Setup

There aren’t many shopping days left until Christmas. You’ve still got to pick up gifts for numerous people on your list. Priority should go to your wife’s gift if you know what’s good for you.

Complexity

5 (12 successes before 3 failures)

I’ve never had a shopping experience of less than complexity 5, although some claim such a skill challenge does exist.

Primary Skills

Acrobatics, Diplomacy, Dungeoneering, Endurance, Insight, Intimidate, Nature, Perception, Religion, Streetwise

• Each skill can only be used to accomplish 1 success towards the overall skill challenge unless noted otherwise.
• Skill checks denoted as assist do not count as a success or failure towards the overall skill challenge.

Sample Skills

These are just a few examples of skills that can be used towards achieving successes in this skill challenge. Be creative. With enough cash any merchant (DM) will happily say yes.

Receive a +2 bonus to any social interaction skill if you smile. This stacks with all other bonuses.

Acrobatics (moderate DC)

Weave your way through the busy stores as other shoppers plod along, window shopping.

Diplomacy (hard DC +2)

Convince an over-worked, underpaid retail clerk to check the back for an item they’ve already told you is sold out. Receive a +5 bonus if you’ve ever worked retail and sympathize with them.

Dungeoneering (moderate DC)

Discover the best, most efficient way through the mall. Receive +2 bonus if you consult a directory.

Endurance (moderate DC, maximum 3 successes)

The mall crawl is tough work. An Endurance check is required for every hour spent in the mall or after visiting every 5th store.

Insight (hard DC)

Pick the best line when checking out. The shortest line isn’t always the best choice. Your instinct gives you a good feeling about a particular cashier.

Intimidate (moderate DC)

Threaten physical harm to another shopper if they don’t get out of your way or give up a present you were about to grab. Receive a +1 bonus for each hour you’ve been shopping and for every 5 stores you’ve already visited. These bonuses stack.

Nature (moderate DC)

Find out if it’s snowing now or will be later in the day and plan your trip accordingly. Receive a +5 bonus for consulting the weather channel.

Perception (hard DC, maximum 3 successes)

Spot a great deal.

Religion (moderate DC)

Pray that the gift you want isn’t sold out by the time you get there.

Streetwise (moderate DC, maximum 2 successes)

Ask a sales clerk when or if an item is going on sale. Receive a +5 bonus if you’ve ever worked retail and sympathize with them.

Streetwise (moderate DC, maximum 2 successes)

Talk to other shoppers and find out where the best deals are.

Thievery (hard DC)

Use of Thievery to steal gifts results in automatic failure of the skill challenge. Even if the check is successful you’ve ruined the original purpose for the gift giving. You should feel deep shame.

Success

You did it. You got gifts for everyone on your list. You’re happy to be done and you know they’ll be happy to get these gifts. Another holiday shopping season is over.

Failure

You couldn’t find the gift you wanted and had to settle for something not on the list. It could go either way, but you’re pretty sure the outcome won’t be great. Worse yet, you got everything on the list but grossly misjudged someone’s desire to own that particular gift. Better luck next year.

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We vowed that we’d never write a post that was simply “Let me tell you about my character.” However, I never made such a promise when it came to our gaming space. So let me tell you about my game room. Better yet, let me show you. As we approach out 800th article here at Dungeon’s Master I thought it would be a worth-while exercise to let the readers see where we play and where the blog comes together.

Since moving into my house seven years ago I’ve hosted the weekly D&D game. Our gaming group is very tight, some of use knowing each other for over 30 years now, and a lot happens over that time. As we grew up and got on with our lives we moved away from the community in which we grew up and started families of our own. We play at my house because it’s the most centrally located. One guy drives in an hour from the East and another an hour from the West.

We used to play at the dining room table but my wife put an end to that a long time ago. Now I have a dedicated game room (or as my wife calls it “The Nerd Room”). I have worked hard to put my own stamp on it and make it a place that I enjoy spending time. I’ve also done my part to make it suitable for a gaming group with seven people.

Below are photos of my game room. Take a look and let me know what you think. After you see my set up let me know just how big a nerd you think I really am.

Panoramic View

We begin with shots of the four corners. These should give you a pretty complete picture of what my game room looks like.

View#1 and View #2

This is what I see when I’m sitting behind my desk. To my left are pictures of Batman and Superman, the middle is the big screen TV (with dragon minis on top), and to my right is my Boston Bruins flag. The black table in the first picture is large enough to sit 8 people around it comfortably, perfect for D&D.

View #3

This is where the magic happens. This is where I write my blog posts and watch a considerable amount of TV. During game night we shift the table and the DM gets this seat. Nothing by the best seat in the house for the guy trying to kill your PCs.

View #4

These are my novels. Scroll down for a closer look and a better description of what’s on these shelves. On top of the middle bookshelf is the compartmentalized storage unit I use to store for my D&D minis and on top of the bookshelf on the right you’ll see my Zombie Dice next to the Boston Bruins bin and my Orcus mini. The white boxes on the left hold back issues of Dragon Magazine and a lot of old D&D modules.

The Dragons

Here’s a closer look at my dragon minis. Theses are just the chromatic dragons. There are 13 all together including the five from the newly released Dragon Collector’s Set. I should mention that the gargantuan red dragon (on top of the far bookshelf) and the huge black dragon belong to Suddry, one of the other guys in my gaming group.

The Books

When you’ve been a gaming nerd as long as I have you accumulate a lot of books. I’ve seen other gaming bloggers post pictures of the books on their gaming shelves and decided to follow suit.

bookshelf #1 – Comic Trades

I’m a huge Batman fan so most of the books feature Batman or the Justice League. There’s a good showing from Marvel and DC on my shelf (as well as in my 5,000+ issue comic collection) but I do read stuff from some of the other, smaller publishers including Rising Stars from Top Cow, Elf Quest from WARP, DMZ from Vertigo, Walking Dead from Image, TMNT from Mirage Studios, and of course Forgotten Realms from DDP.

Bookshelf #2 – Role-playing Games

It shouldn’t be any real surprise that the vast majority of this shelf contains D&D materials from all editions. However, I’m not a complete D&D snob. I have played a lot of other RPGs, many of which are still on my shelf including Top Secret S./I., Star Wars, Call of Cthulhu, Thieves’ World, Outbreak: Undead, Cyberpunk 2020, Elf Quest, Marvel Super Heroes, and DC Heroes.

Bookshelf #3 – Novels

I read a lot and this is my overflow bookshelf.  It’s a hodgepodge of comic trades, D&D novels, zombie fiction, and a very extensive sampling of works from Isaac Asimov, Clive Cussler, Jeffery Archer and Sidney Sheldon.

Bookshelf #4 – Novels

This bookshelf is where I keep my complete collection of Eberron and Ravenloft novels. There’s also books form Dark Sun, Dragonlance, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Twilight (yes, I’ve read the Twilight series), Thieves’ World, Fighting Fantasy, Guardians of the Flame by Joel Rosenberg, and the Ender series by Orson Scott Card.

Bookshelf #5 – Novels

(The glare from the flash makes reading some of the titles difficult. Here’s a slightly different view.)

This is my Forgotten Realms bookshelf. I own every Forgotten Realms novel ever written except one, Murder in Halruaa (does anyone know where I can get a copy at a reasonable price?). On the bottom shelf are Piers Anthony’s Incarnations of Immortality series and the first dozen Xanth novels.

Dice

After taking pictures of my game room it occurred to me that this kind of profile should include a shameless picture of my gaming dice. The ones in the box (yes it’s a cigar box that I use to hold all of my dice) are in waiting until my active sets, the ones on the table, let me down once too often.

Now that I’ve finish this vanity exercise what do you think? What is my game room missing? How does my gaming space compare to yours? Do you see anything on my shelves that completely surprised you?

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Sometimes we focus so much on the serious aspects of D&D that we forget the importance of the humorous and ludicrous. This is a fantasy game in which magic is commonplace. So with that kind of framework doesn’t it seem right that there should be some outrageously silly things that are just accepted as a part of the fantastic world?

That’s not to say that things shouldn’t make sense. There needs to be some explanation for the unbelievable and the unexpected within the established framework, but the players don’t always have to take it so seriously. By throwing in a few humorous things every once and a while the players come to realize that just because they think something seems bizarre and out of place doesn’t mean that their characters feel the same way.

Case in point is the classic adventure Castle Greyhawk. Each of the 12 levels in this dungeon crawl featured a different humour-based theme. In many cases these were drawn from aspect of real-life popular culture. The adventure was incredibly ludicrous taking parody and satire to an extreme never before seen in D&D. Many people hated the very concept of such a ridicules exercise, but the idea of inserting more humour into adventure design was good then and is still now. I’ll admit that this kind of thing can go too far (which I think was the reason a lot of people disliked this adventure), but there is good reason to visit and revisit this idea more often than we do now.

Remember that D&D is a fantasy game so be creative and explore the fantastic. Sometimes going to a silly extreme is a good creative exercise for the DM and can insert some much needed brevity into a campaign that might be taking itself too seriously.

Taking this idea of something totally unexpected, humorous, yet still explainable and possibly even plausible in a fantasy setting were magic is perfectly acceptable, I’ve come up with a fun locale that you can use in your campaign the next time you need to take things a little less seriously.

The Dungeoneer’s Delight, a Spa for Experienced Adventures

Rescuing princesses, slaying dragons and exploring long forgotten dungeons is hard work for any adventurer. When it’s all over you need to relax and unwind before your next quest. Take more than an extended rest, spend a weekend at The Dungeoneer’s Delight, a Spa for Experienced Adventures. We understand your needs and can make you feel like a brand new hero.

Our staff is specially suited and uniquely qualified to pamper you in ways you’d never expect because everyone who works at the Dungeoneer’s Delight is a monster. But these aren’t your typical, kill-the-adventurers kind of monsters. Every monster working here is an exception to the evil stereotype of their race or has seen the error of their ways and decided to turn over a new leaf. The extensive experience and knowledge their brethren have used for generations to slay adventurers is now put to good use making you feel pampered.

While there enjoy any or all of these featured services.

• A therapeutic massage from one of our Marilith massage therapists. Let her six arms work your knotted muscles in ways only a beautiful six-armed woman can.
• A deep treatment scalp massage from one of our Illithids. They know how to make you forget about your problems and focus on the positive things life has to offer.
• Sip on a potion of acid resistance while soaking your feet in a basin filled to the brim with a Gelatinous Cube. Let the ooze take care of those nasty calluses, dead skin and the dirt under your nails.
• Visit the grill where a team of Quicklings prepare exotic dishes right in front of you at lightning speed. Food is cut, chopped, and sliced so fast you’ll think it was magic.
• Listen to the soothing melodies of the Satyr Pipers as they play soothing melodies during your stay. These are songs you’ll be glad you can’t get out of your head.

Our prices are very reasonable. Book your next stay now!

Related reading:

• Let The PCs Plan The Next Party Vacation
• What Do PCs Do For Fun?
• Funny Feats

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