While at GenCon I played in my share of D&D adventures. For the most part it was a lot of fun and I had a great time playing. But one thing that really stood out for me a lot more this year than any other was the egregiousness with witch other players violated the social contract you agree to uphold when playing D&D or any RPG.
I’ve put together a list of all the social faux pas and violations of the social contract that actually happened at my gaming table during GenCon. I encourage you to use the comments section below to add violations you witnessed at your gaming tables to this list. Maybe if we put them in print enough gamers will read them and hopefully stop doing them or at least realize that these actions aren’t acceptable.
I’ll admit that I’m actually guilty of a committing a couple of these myself, but when I do I am aware that it’s a problem and I apologize to the table. Regrettably when these happened at my table during GenCon none of the offenders excused their behaviour because they likely didn’t even realize that they what they were doing was extremely uncool.
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Answering the phone
Everyone has a cell phone. It’s instinctual to answer it when it rings. I understand that it could be an important call so I’m fine with someone excusing themselves from the table and answering it. But if you’re in the middle of your turn don’t stop to answer the phone. But if you do, be quick and take a message. Don’t start into a full on conversation. “Oh, hi. I’m just playing D&D. Yeah, that sounds great. I’d love to go there afterwards for drinks. I’ll have to get changed first. Why don’t you call Steve and see if he wants to come with us…” Unless you’re a doctor and you’re on call, let it go to voice mail until after the encounter’s over.
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Eating at the table
I’m not suggesting that we impose a no food at the table rule. Snacking is practically mandatory at the gaming table. But if you’re going to eat, be neat. Don’t let crumbs scatter all over the table and the battle mat. If you’re eating something with your fingers please wipe them after you’re finished and don’t touch anything, like the rest of the party’s minis, until your hands are clean.
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Hogging table space
There’s plenty of room around the table for everyone to have adequate space for all of their stuff. I usually have two hardcovers side-by-side, my character sheet on top of one and my power cards, dice, pencil, eraser, fortune cards, and note paper on top of the other. If everyone confined themselves to this amount of real estate we’d be fine and have room to spare, but some people have a need to unpack everything they own on the table. I’ve had to politely ask more than one player if he could move some of his stuff over so that I could have more space.
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Shut the hell up!
I’ve found that many gamers are very social; at least when they’re around other games. But this doesn’t mean that you need to yammer on throughout the entire game. When it’s your turn, hog the spotlight, ham it up, be the centre of attention, but when it’s someone else’s turn be quite. Don’t have a side conversation with the other players. More than once I couldn’t hear the DM because other players were talking over him. If something is so important that you have to talk about it now, get up and leave the table for a few minutes.
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Taking without asking
Just because something’s on the table doesn’t mean that you can use it without permissions. I’m a gamer with many dice superstitions, one being that no one but me can ever touch my dice. If you need to borrow dice, I’m happy to lend you a spare set. But the dice on the table are mine so hands off. If you need to roll 3d6 and you only have two, reroll one of them. I’m not as strict with other things as I am with my dice. If you want to use my pencil or eraser that’s fine, but please ask first. If you want to look at my bag of minis that’s also fine, but please ask first. I was appalled by the sense of entitlement I witnessed at my table. And it wasn’t just in the younger players.
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Taking forever
All of the players I gamed with at GenCon were veterans of LFR. Everyone had played before and in most cases had used their character over many levels. The lowest level PC at any of my games was level 6. So you know that these characters were used through many adventures. Why then does it take people so long to figure out what to do on their turn? Maybe you haven’t played this character in a while, but by the second encounter it should start coming back to you. The powers haven’t changed since the pervious encounter. Know your character. And if you’ve got a power that uses d8s for damage then have a few d8s ready. It shouldn’t surprise you that you’re going to need them.
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Not paying attention
Some characters are not suited to excel in every situation. If you’re a battle-heavy Dwarven Fighter with no social skills then the encounter where the PCs have to talk to the Duke and gain information is going to bore you to tears. I get that. But have the courtesy to pay attention anyway. I saw people tune out and play games on their iPad or iPhone when their character wasn’t center stage. I even saw one player pull out crossword puzzles. He didn’t even try to hide the fact that he wasn’t paying attention. In my opinion, tuning out to this extent is disrespectful to the other players and the DM.
I’m sure this is just the tip of the iceberg. What did you witness at the gaming table during GenCon or at any game played in public that you feel should be added to this list?
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1 2 3 4 Next »I think that if you're snacking at the table you should share with others, and everyone should bring something to share.
Aside from that, don't touch my dice!
I admit I'm guilty of a couple of these things. I've had to excuse myself to answer a phone call from a caller who wouldn't take a hint and leave a voice mail when I didn't answer the first time. I've also seen people just grab some dice without asking first, and cause a pretty strong reaction from the dice owner.
Common sense and decency go a long way. At the gaming table and in life.
One thing that bothered me is people who didn't have the +hit and +damage modifiers for their common powers figured out in advance. The 4e character sheet has space to write down the info for several abilities, so having your rogue add up his 1/2 level + proficiency + dex + opportunity attack + weapon bonus every time he uses an at-will is just wasting everybody's time.
I played with a rogue who did that, he varied between a few weapons, but he still had to count up all of those bonuses every time he attacked. I never understood why he didn't just add them up once, and them update them as necessary.
I'm with you on all of the ones you've mentioned, particularly answering the phone and shut the hell up. I can't stand people being disrespect for in that manner (talking) when we're playing a game literally based around communication. Also, taking forever is a huge pet peeve in anybody who's not a new player. If you're new, then by all means take the time you need to learn and get familiar with things, but if you're not new then the only excuse for this is a large scale, truly tactics-based encounter where everything you do has potential to impact the outcome of a large battle.
Other things that bug me:
Auto-Reply
Some people just can't help but reply to things that every other person in the area has to say. Sometimes it's snide comments, others it's trying to turn everything people say into jokes. It kind of goes along with the shutting up except rather than talking so loud that we can't hear what's going on, they're talking so freaking often that we can't progress.
The Lackey
Every now and then you end up with a couple of players where one guy has a clue and the other guy doesn't. They might both know the rules and both know their characters, but one of the guys is so insecure in his decision making that he just does whatever the other people tell him to instead of making his own decisions. I've had the lackey be a guy who asked the other players what he should do every single turn, and I've had one that would just stare at his character sheet on his turn until someone started making suggestions.
The Funny-Funny Ha-Ha
The guy that wants to play a dwarf with no beard, and a neon pink mohawk. Why does he want to play suck a ridiculous looking character? Because it's "funny". He's the same guy who does completely stupid crap in game, like taking a leak on the alter inside the lost temple of Pelor we just discovered. Why? "Because I got a sunburn last week. I hate the sun."
Texting at the table and playing smart phone games while waiting for their next turn really irks me. I don't mind a little chatter at the table but the GM/DM should place some guidelines for the players at the start of the session. The GMs that set down the law before games start tend to be the ones I will try to follow through a con because they usually run the games on time.
Great post on oft-violated common sense rules of etiquette!
Questions: How do you etsablish the rules/social norms at your game - at the start of the camapign, do you formally list off the expectations? And then people agree to them? Is that too formal a thing? The Encounters table I game at does pretty well with everything except side conversations during play, which sometimes makes it difficult to hear key bits of narrative, or just plain yanks you out of character. Is this osmething that should be addressed as a group so no one feels targeted, or should the individuals be taken aside out of game? Being the new guy at the table, should I just ask the DM what to do about it?
Best Post Ever! Expecially number 7. I've removed players from a group for that. That is simply a matter of respect.
Unsolicited Advice
This one goes along with "The Lackey." You may think that there's something perfect for another character to do in a situation, but it's not your character. Unless the player is specifically asking the table for advice (and this shouldn't be that common, see number 6), keep your opinion to yourself.
I'm surprised nobody's mentioned B.O.
I remember about 10 years ago, I picked up another player from a local online gaming forum. The guy was an absolute genius at math. You could roll 10d6 and before the last die even bounced off the bowl of onion dip, he'd have the total. He was also a good and enthusiastic player.
However, apparently proficiency in math does not in fact translate in the ability to swipe a stick of Old Spice deodorant across one's armpits 3 to 4 times. It was unbearable to sit next to the guy at a table. He smelled like the floor sweepings from a hog fat rendering plant. Seriously, he passed by a open garbage can one day on the way to gaming and gagged the maggots. Bigfoot called one day and asked for his stink back.
Before a session one day, he asked if we could come pick him up and if we could give him a half hour before leaving so he could take a shower. We GLADLY volunteered to pick him up, thrilled as we were to hear that some steps were being taken to beat back the foul stench demons that lurked in his crevices. So I hop out of the front seat so he can climb into the back and as soon as he lifts up his right bingo wing to push back the seat, I was subjected to what must have been the worst cloud of festering mansweat that I have encountered, even in the intervening years since. I said nothing, half out of politeness, half out of the need to keep from yacking up the technicolor rainbow that my Subway sandwich had no doubt become. But seriously, didn't he *just* say he was going to take a shower?
Anyway, he didn't last. I attribute our addiction to illicit smokeables at gaming now to this - we needed something... anything... to cover up the smell.
Interesting. Personally, I'd chip in "don't argue."
I've got a rules-lawyer in my game, which would be half as bad if he wouldn't force his 3E knowledge unto my 4E rulings. By now he's gotten me so twitchy that I look possible issues up beforehand and don't listen to the other players talking to me.
Next up is arguing between players, which may or may not happen in-game. Either way is no good, 'cause the best you get is "I ain't flanking with that jerk" and the worst "does 22 hit your AC? 'Cause I'm shoving a daily up your ***."
If there's something you don't like about another player or the DM, tell them after the game. Perhaps you'll understand their motives and find out it was meant for everybody's well-being, but even if you don't, arguing at the spot will ruin everything for everyone.