100 Things 4e D&D Players Never Say

by Ameron (Derek Myers) on February 3, 2014

I’ve played D&D a long time and over the years I’ve heard a lot of players say a lot of things – funny things, strange things, gross things, imaginative things, inappropriate things, and awesome things. I can confidently say I’ve pretty much heard it all when it comes to conversation at the D&D table.

But in all the time I’ve played D&D there are some thing that I’ve never heard players or DMs say at the gaming table, specifically when playing 4e. So I decided to put together a list; a collection of things that you might expect to hear at the gaming table but don’t. What I thought would be a short list of a dozen things ended up reaching triple digits in a hurry.

After culling the list I managed to pare it down to a lean 100. These are things 4e D&D players never say. Some of these quotes are universal and equally applicable to other editions of D&D or other RPGs. In some cases it’s not that the quote is never heard, but heard very rarely. I’ve done my best to rank the list with the best, rarest, and funniest making up the top 10.

I encourage you to read through the list and see if you agree that theses are 100 things 4e D&D players never say. If you can think of a few more examples we’d love to hear them. Please leave your additions to the list in the comments below.

100 Things 4e D&D Players Never Say

100. I love spending the whole combat encounter healing the party.

99. Sure a long sword does more damage, but I want my PC to use a dagger. It will just look cooler.

98. No, I’m not going to make an opportunity attack. It’s clear the monster’s about to flee anyway.

97. This combat encounter is so easy to run as “theatre of the mind.”

96. I just finished calculating it, and it appears I have too much equipment and am encumbered, best drop some of this unnecessary weight before we march on.

95. Let me assist you in attacking that monster, because the +2 I grant you is a good use of my standard action.

94. You don’t look trustworthy.

93. I’m not going to shout out every skill I’m trained in.

92. Surrender and we will treat you mercifully!

91. Screw magic items, I’m going to invest all my starting cash in mutual funds.

90. My Pixie just walks during this encounter. She’s sick of flying.

89. I love the role playing opportunities that come up when I’m dominated by a monster.

88. You probably don’t want to hear about my character.

87. My PC was hit in the pelvis with a Craghammer; he’ll never walk again.

86. There are too many female players in this group. I’d rather spend the night gaming with just the boys.

85. I’ve created a new race for my character because none of the existing playable races offered the flavour I was looking for.

84. I’m going to give my PC a high Intelligence purely for role-playing reasons; I don’t care that it won’t affect my attack or damage numbers in any way.

83. I don’t think it’s fair if I have resistances; it just makes the monsters’ job harder.

82. Listen buddy. We’re in the pub to drink. Keep your stupid quest offers to yourself.

81. Can I have some paper to print out my character sheet? One sheet should be enough.

80. The DM should take care of all the dice rolling so we can focus our energy on the descriptive narrative and shared story telling experience.

79. I’m glad you’re rolling behind that screen. If I had to see all those natural 20s with my own eyes I’d likely cry.

78. I thought about your suggestions for my character concept and I’ve implemented them.

77. I made my PC using only the Player’s Handbook.

76. I am so glad there are all these uses for d12s now.

75. I don’t need you to heal me; I’ll just use my second wind.

74. It’s better to have similar scores in all 6 abilities than to pump and 1 way up for a mathematical advantage.

73. According to what’s written on my character sheet I’ve run out of arrows. I guess I’ll have to buy more when we get back into town.

72. I wish Paladins still had to be lawful good.

71. I won’t cast Healing Word until you use your Second Wind.

70. This Wizard is different from the last 12 Wizards I played.

69. It’s going to take me a minute to add up all these damage dice. I don’t want to slow things down so move on to the next PC in the initiative and I’ll get back to you.

68. Male player to another male player: I think our characters should explore their mutual love for each other through role-playing.

67. Let’s all make leaders.

66. As a player I can see the secret passage on the map, but my character would have no way of knowing it’s there so I leave the room.

65. The DM was role-playing that villain really well. I say she should get a re-roll on that missed attack roll.

64. I miss THAC0.

63. I only used At-Will powers during that encounter.

62. Why yes, I do have a creative D&D-sounding name for this character.

61. Being dazed doesn’t bother me; I only need to take one action on my turn.

60. My character removes his clunky metal armor before he goes to sleep.

59. DM, I see that you have neglected to add in the flank bonus, so actually that monster would hit me after all. How much damage do I take?

58. I regret training Perception since the skill so rarely comes into play.

57. I don’t mind being stunned.

56. I may not be trained in that skill but I’m happy to give it a shot. After all, that’s what makes sense based on this situation.

55. You expect me to join a party with all those freaks? Come on there’s a Dragonborn, a Drow, a Goliath, and a Warforged. Weirdoes!

54. Although talking is a free action, I’ll wait until my turn in the initiative to speak. I wouldn’t want to interrupt another player’s turn by talking over him.

53. I trust and respect decisions my allies make.

52. So what if they’re minions, I’m using my daily power.

51. Shardminds are my favourite race.

50. It seems so unsporting to kill a minion with a Magic Missile.

49. Wow, that skill challenge was so fulfilling and really added to the role-playing.

48. I get on my mount and charge.

47. My PC is very well-traveled so he took Linguist as his starting feat.

46. Uh-oh, guys. I’m running low on my meticulously-monitored rations and water.

45. I need combat advantage. I know, I’ll use Bluff to feign in combat.

44. I remember this NPC.

43. My character would never be able to float in plate mail, he drowns.

42. Oh boy, more evil cultists!

41. I made it from level 1 to level 30 through normal game play.

40. My character’s not ready yet; I haven’t given him a creative and fleshed out back story.

39. Although I disagree with your call, I’ll accept the outcome since I respect your authority as the DM and don’t want to slow down game play.

38. That encounter was too short.

37. I read the eratta and I absolutely agree with the changes they’ve made.

36. The grappling rules are so simple.

35. Please pass me the healthy snacks.

34. I don’t believe in dump stats; every ability score is important.

33. Let’s all take feats to improve our skills.

32. Let’s all make knowledge checks at the beginning of the encounter so we know what we’re up against this time.

31. Let’s run! That creature is too tough for us.

30. Can we do another skill challenge? They are way more exciting than combat.

29. I’ve been able to use my minor action effectively every round during this encounter.

28. I do 4d6 damage. No, I don’t need to borrow your d6s, I’ll just roll this one die four times and add the numbers.

27. You know what this party really needs? Another striker.

26. I took a background that offers no in-game benefit.

25. Hold on, guys. Let’s take a second to think about how this course of action may conflict with our alignments.

24. Just because I have empty item slots doesn’t mean I need more magical items.

23. We should try talking our way through this encounter.

22. My Fighter makes a ranged attack.

21. Let me cast this ritual.

20. My Fighter has a very diverse set of trained skills.

19. Difficult Terrain? Hooray!

18. You clearly have more experience playing D&D than I do; I welcome your input on how to play my character.

17. It wasn’t my turn but I was paying attention.

16. This build is broken; I’d better make a new character.

15. A milestone already? I don’t think that last encounter should count. It was too easy.

14. There just aren’t enough conditions or status effects in this game.

13. Let’s try to finish up early so we can go outside and enjoy this beautiful day.

12. I may not have any healing surges remaining, but that’s no reason to stop and take an extended rest.

11. I’d better not use this blast attack because I might accidentally target one of my allies.

10. Loot the corpses? Please, can’t we show a little respect for our fallen foes?

9. I can’t wait to buy the latest D&D supplement from my local bricks & mortar gaming store; screw Amazon!

8. I have one set of polyhedral dice, why would I need more than that?

7. Who needs character builder when you already have all the books?

6. This Ranger doesn’t have Twin Strike.

5. My dice have been rolling too many 20s. I’d better switch them out to be fair.

4. I wish there were more feats to choose from.

3. Wow, that was a challenging encounter for my epic level character.

2. Let’s rest for four minutes, and then keep moving.

1. My character died.

Got more examples? Please share them in the comments below.

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1 Joe February 3, 2014 at 9:47 am

I played a cleric of Ioun who both had a high intelligence to match his years of study (84), took Linguist as his starting feat (47), and was frequently asking the party to wait while he cast a ritual (21), but maybe I’m an anomaly. We did have a dwarf fighter in our group who was always saying he’d rather use his 2nd wind than get healed… but the player believed dwarves to be the master race in 4e, so I think he did it just to flaunt his ability to 2nd wind as a minor.

2 Joe February 3, 2014 at 9:52 am

101. That combat was so short!
102. I feel like a lot of time went into balancing this Essentials class with the PHB classes.
103. I’m always using that 3rd sheet of my character sheet printout.
104. Let me come up with an in-game description of how & why my character is making an Arcana check at the area.
105. Grid-based physics make so much sense… especially in 3 dimensions!

3 Maarten February 3, 2014 at 10:39 am

I agree with all of them except: ‘9. I can’t wait to buy the latest D&D supplement from my local bricks & mortar gaming store; screw Amazon!’ I actually do this, both for D&D and other games, just to help our local gaming store survive. For this I gladly pay more and be inconvenienced by the fact that I have to go outdoors, have a place to browse games and get advice is worth it.

4 Scott February 3, 2014 at 12:37 pm

Great list; I had quite a few chuckles reading them. A few on the list I actually have heard, and yes I too like to buy from my local brick & mortar store, unfortunately lately that is a Chapters/Indigo, so does not really count as helping out the little guy.

One item of note… And this is the Rules Lawyer in me coming out…
95… The current rules state, Aid Attack grants a +2 bonus (not +1). Given this can stack up to 4 times, it does come in useful with those really tough to hit Elite Brutes. I have used this at least once, though it has yet to pay off significantly. Good for the guy that knows he can’t hit, but can give the fighter a better chance. But agreed, not used much.

5 dither February 3, 2014 at 4:11 pm

I thought it was notable that I shook my head at a number of these in disagreement, so I’m going to go back and make a list.

Hang on a sec.

100 I’ve played several leaders and have spent entire encounters healing the party. I had a blast, and I think I may have uttered this one verbatim.

99 We’ve had a quite few players choose weapons for flavor over optimization. Even more have opted to choose cooler weapons after we figured out how they were just as effective numerically.

98 Happened. We’ve allowed enemies to flee.

97 Had to do this a few times when we didn’t have maps & minis.

96 This one seems irrelevant. I don’t know anyone who plays with encumbrance rules.

95 Non-strikers have difficulty hitting sometimes at higher tiers without a full suit of magic gear, even with combat advantage. I’ve pointed out & used this combat option time & again.

94 Said it.

93 (what is this one supposed to be?)

92 Said it. Encouraged others to as well. It’s even worked.

90 My wife played a pixie who liked to walk sometimes. She also swam during an aquatic encounter to chase down a baddie.

89 We had a great encounter that turned half our party against each other due to domination. And in an Epic tier encounter, one of the PCs was quasi-permanently dominated for the entire fight. We had a blast.

88 Is it enough if they don’t talk about their characters?

84 Enough of our players do this with Int/Wis/Cha that I don’t think it applies at all.

83 I’ve expressed this annoyance before.

82 I derailed a game like this.

81 Our group made some one-page reference sheets.

79 I never use a DM screen, but our current DM does. He rolls lots of 20s. Admittedly, about half of them have been against his own monsters because we have mad controllers in our party. >:D

78 We help each other on our PCs.

77 I like to make my PCs with just the Player’s Handbook. But I’m weird.

76 The d12 was lonely in 3e. My current PC uses an Execution Axe, which is d12 Brutal 2. I like ’em.

75 Happens all the time with dwarves.

73 Had three players who wanted to track arrows.

72 I wish anyone had to be one alignment. *yawn*

71 See previous comment about dwarves.

70 I’ve played a couple wizards. None of them alike.

69 We have a rule at the table, “think on my turn, play on yours.”

67 We discussed this a couple times. Does it still count if we never got around to it? We thought all-warlords would be fun.

66 Happens all the time.

65 Happened a couple times.


63 Done it. Said it. It’s easier with wizards.

62 What does this even mean? We’ve had names all over the spectrum, from “Chet the Assassin” to “The Manticore.” ‘Splain.

61 Said it.

60 Said it.

59 Said it.

58 I once played a character who wasn’t trained and categorically refused to roll Perception checks. It drove the DM up the wall, and I said, “just act like I failed the check.”

57 Said it.

56 Said it.

55 Said it.

54 Said it.

53 Said it. (Verbatim.)

52 Said it.

50 Said it, then did it anyway.

49 I ran lots of skill challenges as DM, and the players loved them.

48 Does anyone even play with mounts?

47 Have a player who routinely takes Linguist because he likes playing scholars and erudite PCs.

45 Same player used Changeling Trick and feinting regularly.

44 Said it.

42 We would have to actually use cultists for this one to be relevant

41 Did this.

40 This is a poor character creation practice anyway.

39 Said it. Heard it. Not as often as we’d like, but still. This is a low blow anyhow, it’s equal across every edition I’ve played.

38 Heard it. One of my players doesn’t like how I’ll have monsters flee from combat. And sometimes they mop things up quickly. Come to think of it, I’ve said this one too.

37 We’ve all discussed the errata before and have agreed with it on numerous occasions.

36 Love 4e grappling rules. (Are you sure this list is the right edition?)

35 Humus.

34 Said it.

33 Nobody says this. You shut up.

32 This seems unfair. Who thinks that far in advance — wait, no I’ve said this one too.

31 Said it. Heard it. Actually, we mix up encounters in various difficulties, and this has happened more than once.

30 See my previous statement about fun skill challenges. They are fun if you do them right. :/

29 Leader/Controllers are like this. Lots of fun to play, too!

28 A couple of our players are like this.

27 Heard it.

26 Happens all the time.

25 I try to encourage this one, but admittedly the first campaign I ran for our current group dropped the alignment mechanics because it’s been nothing but trouble for me in the past.

24 Said it.

23 Hear this one all the time.

22 Why is this so far up the list?

21 Have you actually played 4e? We use rituals all the time.

20 No really. Have you played this game?

19 Who says this?

18 Offensive in any game.

17 Do you hate the people you play with?

16 I mean really. Some of my players annoy me…

15 …But some of these sound kind of mean-spirited.

14 Seriously? More status effects? Maybe you should have slimmed the list to like, twenty or thirty.

13 We play in the evenings… but most of us have day jobs and we HAVE ended early so people could go to bed on time.

12 Heard it. Said it.

11 You must play with some real jerks. Not only do we avoid a lot of friendly fire — but this is something that was a problem in previous editions of the game (e.g. fireball and lightning bolt).

10 We’ve addressed looting corpses a couple of different ways. In a mythical Greece campaign we ran, looting corpses earned the ire of Hades. In the current campaign, we have a couple criminals who are the only ones who touch/loot the corpses. I’ve also refused to loot a few opponents in the past, out of contempt (in-character and out!).

9 Support your FLGS.

8 We have several players who have only one set of dice. Is this even relevant to 4e?

7 I don’t know about you, but I can build PCs out of the books. This is a system mastery thing and doesn’t really have anything to do with 4e.

6 Twin Strike is *almost* always a good choice. There are situations where it isn’t the best Ranger at-will power. Especially if you play using books outside of core.

5 Who even says this? This isn’t 4e-related.

4 This can be the case for some races and classes that didn’t get very good feat support.

3 You better believe it.

2 Who waits for four minutes in any edition? Your variable-length spell effects might expire in that time. Best keep moving. Chop chop!

1 The most recent 4e campaign I ran featured more PC deaths than NPC deaths. We lost 5 PCs in as many months.

6 dither February 3, 2014 at 4:17 pm

I understand that every group is different, but I thought it was worth bringing this up for two reasons — first was that almost everything on the list I disagreed with either had nothing to do with 4e specifically, or was patently untrue with regard to me group.

Notable if for no other reason than because apart from me, every other player in the group got *their* start in 4e.


7 Gratein February 3, 2014 at 7:13 pm

I actually disagree, from personal experience, on a couple of points…

94. You don’t look trustworthy.
You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is for my group to replace a dead member of the group when the player wants to play a new character… Many an hour is spent to make sure the character is accepted.

66. As a player I can see the secret passage on the map, but my character would have no way of knowing it’s there so I leave the room.
This one recently killed one of my characters, because one of the other players went ‘out of character, I know this is an incredibly stupid idea!’ and all I could say was ‘well, now I know that OUT OF CHARACTER, but in character, I’m going to keep it up…’ Not to say I liked it, though…

59. DM, I see that you have neglected to add in the flank bonus, so actually that monster would hit me after all. How much damage do I take?
Our first DM was actually so bad at including flanking and Combat Advantage that we made it a habit to ask ‘is that with or without CA?’ when we hear the result of a to-hit and include the CA on our own rolls instead of relying on the DM to subtract the -2 from the monster’s defenses.

56. I may not be trained in that skill but I’m happy to give it a shot. After all, that’s what makes sense based on this situation.
If given the chance, everyone applicable, whether trained or not, will roll for the skill, just in case they roll a 20…

45. I need combat advantage. I know, I’ll use Bluff to feign in combat.
I actually built a character around that…

44. I remember this NPC.
To the DM’s annoyance, we actually keep returning to the same, minor, NPC, because we liked his accent.

39. Although I disagree with your call, I’ll accept the outcome since I respect your authority as the DM and don’t want to slow down game play.
… Does ‘I’m not entirely sure about the ruling, but I’ll abide by your decision and come back to you on that one later’ count?

31. Let’s run! That creature is too tough for us.
We’ve come to call this the ‘Bootstraps Maneuvre’, to the first character that did it.

25. Hold on, guys. Let’s take a second to think about how this course of action may conflict with our alignments.
This really, REALLY doesn’t need a second. We’ll easily spend 30 minutes fighting about it when alignments collide.

4. I wish there were more feats to choose from.
… We’ve been actively thinking about homebrewing a couple of feats. Some things, like resistances just aren’t properly covered.

3. Wow, that was a challenging encounter for my epic level character.
Our Epic DM actually builds encounters to challenge our Epic level characters. When you’re playing heroic, the DM helps you. When you’re playing Paragon, the DM gives you fair fights. When you’re playing Epic, the DM is actively trying to push you down a cliff.

But, like Joe said, my group might be an anomaly… I guess we all just try to have fun while gaming, right?

8 Cristina February 4, 2014 at 5:08 am

.101 there should be a WC somewhere…in all the campaign we never stop for that and in this dungeon there is no toilet! 🙂

9 Ameron (Derek Myers) February 4, 2014 at 10:00 am

Although the title is “100 Things 4e D&D Players Never Say” there will be occasions where some of the things on this list will actually be said. In my personal experience very few of the things on this list have ever been said at my game table. This is especially true for a lot of my public play tables.

I realize that these things highlight and even emphasize the stereotypical gaming groups and that in some cases gaming groups will say some of these things; if that’s you and your group then good on you. I think saying a lot of the things on this list means you’ve embraced more than the hack & slash elements of D&D.

Good additions to the list. Thank you.

I’m with you on #9. I’ll do what I can to buy from my FLGS to support them. My store is good about price matching the online retailers when they can. Plus my FLGS has a wide variety of second hand stuff that is like new and super cheap.

Good catch. I’ve corrected that error. In all honesty I had my entire gaming group contribute to this list. I wanted to get it published quickly and didn’t proof it as carefully as I should have.

I find that as the DM I have minions assist the big boss monster in this way a lot more than the PC ever help each other in this way. Does that make me a mean DM or a clever exploiter of the rules?

Although I appreciate your enthusiasm I think you might have taken the list a bit too seriously and a bit to literally. I agree that some points are not exclusive to 4e, but I did mention in the intro. I encourage you to add examples of things 4e players never say at your gaming table. Let’s see if we can get this list to 200.

Your group sounds like they have a lot of fun. I think “experienced” is a better way to describe it than anomaly.

Good point! Although I usually add a restroom of some kind when I create living quarters I never seem to add that essential to my dungeon maps. And until now no one’s ever called me on it. I guess we just accept that as the reality of a fantasy game.

10 dither February 4, 2014 at 10:48 am

I don’t mean to be rude here, but I think you didn’t take the list seriously enough — this kind of humor requires a lot of self-awareness, which it just doesn’t convey. If you want to call this a list of 100 things that roleplayers don’t say at the table, that’s fine. Don’t target it at 4e then, it doesn’t show enough awareness of 4e to come across as funny.

As I pointed out at various points (sorry if you have to cross-reference your own list), the list betrays a certain amount of resentment toward a particular group of players or a style of play — which doesn’t apply exclusively to 4e whatsoever.

You said: “I encourage you to read through the list and see if you agree that theses are 100 things 4e D&D players never say…” and I’ve left my comments. I’m an avid 4e player and I disagreed on 90/100 points.

It’s your list and you can do whatever you want with it. If you like, I’ll show the list to our group tonight and see if they have any suggestions.


11 Svafa February 4, 2014 at 11:54 am

Other people have done it, so I guess I’ll put in some of my nitpicks.

99. We’ve had players use scythes, fragments of axes, javelins as a melee, a door, and even a Paladin as a weapon just because it would look cool, even though it did less damage. The door and Paladin were chosen despite having actual weapons at hand. Actually, when the Minotaur picked up the Paladin and started swinging, he dropped his battle axes to do so. Also, any time a Minotaur uses Goring Charge.

97. We’ve done this several times. Last week featured a long running encounter that was entirely theatre of the mind, just for a recent example.

96. Between magic bags of holding and Tenser’s Floating Disc, I don’t see this ever being a possibility.

94. We’ve had two whole character arcs revolving around distrust within the party, one of which was the introduction of a new character.

92. This is how our group ended up founding a Goblin Kingdom, which they continue to invest in and negotiate peace and trade agreements on its behalf.

85. I was actually the one to create it for a new player, but we have one custom race (a steel-plated armadillo) at the table currently. I ended up mixing the Cindersoul Genasi, Warforged, and Dwarf races with the Druid class (with almost all Beast Form abilities) to get the mechanics and feel right.

84. This is me especially, but a few of our players are like this.

78. I’ve offered story and setting details to help fit new characters into the party and world. Most are well received and I’ve had several players state this verbatim.

75. This actually happens, which is kind of bizarre because the party doesn’t have a Leader. Even last night the Barbarian made an attack that let him or an ally heal, and the Fighter stated, “Don’t heal me, I’ll no longer be bloodied. I’ll just Second Wind if I need it.”

70. Not our group since we don’t have any Wizards, but how is this applicable to 4E?

69. I’ve seen this happen a few times. The Fighter and Vampire seem to be most common, as they both have lots of minors, item powers, and triggered actions they can apply onto a hit. I think the record is held by the Vampire who combined five powers into one hit for over a hundred damage at level eight or nine.

66. Not for secret passages specifically, but this comes up often in our games.

63. With Essentials classes I’m wondering how this isn’t really common. Our Vampire pretty much only uses Vampire Slam and our (former) Ranger used Rapid Shot and Clever Shot almost exclusively.

62. I’m not sure what the intent here is, but I’d wager most players I know use creative D&D-sounding names for their characters.

60. They just never learn. Our group’s been caught by assassins while in their skivvies multiple times.

59. This happens a lot at our table, in both directions.

56. Interesting twist, as DM I let the players use any skill to resolve a situation so long as they can reasonably explain how they are using it to do so. But yeah, this one’s come up.

55. See the section on distrust.

53. Despite the distrust, this has still happened several times. The Fighter and Vampire have both made this statement regarding one another. They’re also the two that tend to be distrusted by the rest of the party.

52. Oh so many times. It may help that I tend to beef up minion defenses, so the solo is often easier to hit.

49. Anyone up for a traditional game of Goblin Football?

44. A lot of our NPCs tend to be remembered. Often for being creepy. The players like to give every new NPC a nickname as well.

42. Well, when every evil cultist has new, surprising anatomy…

39. This sounds like a table issue, not something applicable to the system. We respect the DM’s authority, even when we disagree, and if we want clarification or further discussion we bring it up after the game.

36. I’ve said this, as have several others players with experience in past editions.

29. Between a Dragonborn and a Vampire? Minor actions everywhere. Just looking at the Dragonborn Fighter, he can use Dragon Breath twice per encounter, has stances, defensive buffs, and marking powers that are all minors, then there’s item powers and the usual minor actions like swapping weapons or knocking back a potion. He could easily go ten rounds effectively using a minor action every turn, and then do it again in the next encounter.

27. Have I told you about our party’s composition? It’s all Strikers. Except the Fighter, who thinks he’s a Striker.

26. Does speaking Primordial so that you can make private jokes with the (deceased) Invoker count as an in-game benefit?

25. All the time. Now, their alignment might be Chaotic Gold, but they still check it.

23. The Barbarian does this a lot. He even has a ritual to this effect. Yes, the Barbarian has a ritual. He wants to be a Paladin.

22. He carries a short bow just for such occasions. It comes into play about every other session.

21. Well, the Barbarian has a ritual, so yeah… Did I mention Tenser’s Floating Disc before? Or the severed hand being preserved with Gentle Repose? And what better way to find the nearest treasure than Hand of Fate?

18. How to build my character is closer to the truth, but several new players have told me this when starting.

16. We had a few characters rerolled because they were broken. It’s partly why one of the players is now on his fourth character.

12. I have to stop the party and make them take an extended rest. Otherwise they’d keep going indefinitely. Once they went ten encounters between extended rests, culminating in a showdown with a solo. That’s an entire level in 4E.

11. This comes up from time to time. Two characters have taken feats to make it harder to hit allies or remove the damage done to allies with their attacks.

6. The Essentials Rangers (both Scout and Hunter) don’t have Twin Strike and can’t get it without effort (like taking a multiclass feat or using the Half-Elf dilettante feature to get it), and it’s completely unattainable in a strict Essentials build.

4. We’ve created some feats due to some areas with little support, like feats that support Necrotic damage.

2. We don’t play the five minute rule very strictly and I’d be surprised at a table that did. If there’s time to catch your breath, then you get your encounter powers back.

1. We’ve had one die, oddly the Deva who also had his soul consumed so won’t be reincarnating. We also had two who didn’t die but may wish they did after the torture and body modification they underwent (40k dark eldar vibe there). Oh, and another character started dead; I mentioned the Vampire, right? I also created a character who, while not quite dead, thrives at negative hp (full compliment of actions, insubstantial, bonuses to hit and damage, and cannot die due to failed death saves).

12 Svafa February 4, 2014 at 12:35 pm

As for other things (our) 4E players never say:

10. Let’s disenchant the extra magic items.
9. I listen at the door.
8. Sorry, we don’t have time for that quest.
7. We’ll be early tonight (granted this did happen at our last session, but I’m holding to the “rarely happens” principle)
6. I doubt this NPC has any sort of hidden agenda.
5. I wonder what kind of magic item this is.
4. Let me check for traps first.
3. I’ve only got a +2 bonus on that attack.
2. It’s probably getting dark in game, we should find a place to camp for the night.
1. We don’t need payment.

13 Suddry February 4, 2014 at 11:14 pm

For crying out loud. Everyone is a critic. The post was meant to be a bit of fun.

Ameron, I guess next time you’ll have to call it “Things you don’t hear often during 4E games.”

Thanks for taking the time to put it all together.

14 Kosovodad February 5, 2014 at 7:13 pm

@Suddry No S$&@! How about adding to “things you don’t hear often…” Something like “that was funny, I don’t feel compelled to show off by nit-picking?”

15 matt February 6, 2014 at 3:45 am

Hilarious. 🙂

4e is still the best, IMO. Pathfinder is fun, but broken…as are all the older editions. Read this, if you haven’t: http://4thmaster.wordpress.com/2012/08/09/why-4e-fans-love-4e/

5e is…Not released yet.

16 Gratein February 6, 2014 at 6:16 pm

@Suddry, Kosovodad:
I see your point, and I can see how, at least my response, could be seen as ‘showing off’ and ‘being a critic’.

However, I’d like to say that reading through the lists posted in response is still a way of reading about other player’s experiences. Think about the saying of ‘the exemption makes the rule’ (if that’s a saying in English… I know it’s in Dutch), because some people have it happen to them, it doesn’t mean it isn’t a rare occurence.
Like I said at the end of my previous post, in the end, everyone around the table is working to have some fun, right?

I’m hoping I didn’t upset anyone, and if I did, my apologies 🙂

17 Svafa February 10, 2014 at 12:51 pm

Meh, I resisted posting a list of nitpicks at first. Then a couple others did and I enjoyed reading their lists, so figured I might go ahead and share mine. Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy the original or those of the other posters- actually, quite the opposite. I was sure to include some of my own additions to the list as well, based on my own experience with 4E.

18 mbeacom March 4, 2014 at 1:11 am

I miss THAC0.

19 peter March 28, 2014 at 5:29 pm

but…. my fav race is shardmind, they can talk telepathically and are made out of crystalls

20 kio April 28, 2014 at 4:30 pm

My group REGULARLY says almost all of this list. Sure, most encounters are very combat heavy, but there’s a heck of a lot of gameplay going on.

I’ve killed my boyfriend three times accidentally from fireballs (dead dead, not just dying), we’ve lost multiple characters when we had to retreat from downhill fights (and subsequently fight their reanimated corpses), and one dead ally once became the main villain behind the following campaign.

Our DM won’t even let us start without a proper roleplaying introduction and having the characters come to terms with foreign races and willingness to work with otherwise total strangers. Perhaps our games are just more diverse in what all goes on, but a lot of those quotes feel like commonplace, and don’t even make sense as infrequent phrases…

Just to nitpick. As a girl, #86 is a bit offensive. Not all girls who game are a stereotypical OMG SHOES sort, blabbing about stuff unrelated to the experience, and we really do enjoy gaming for the game. As if it’s not already a boys-only club, is it really something that “should” be said more often?

21 Nick August 22, 2014 at 6:17 pm

51. What the heck man? Shardminds are the best!

22 SerpentScourge December 3, 2014 at 1:51 am

Okay.. I’m mostly used to 3.5, and completely new to 4e (of which I’m a part of 3 groups) and already I’ve heard/done/said most of these things more than once. But our groups like to utilize any aspects of the game that we possibly can.. I guess opposed to other lame groups, we’re the “cool kids”. Lol..

23 Chris Fowlie December 4, 2014 at 3:43 pm

#82 made me laugh out loud. Can’t wait until the next time I’m in a tavern to use it…

24 Captain Falcon April 23, 2015 at 3:04 am

#1 should have been “I enjoy this edition.”

25 Jake May 3, 2015 at 11:07 am

101. Thanks for writing that funny article. I didn’t get my panties in a bunch at all, because I realize that a random humor list on the internet is unlikely to describe myself or my gaming group exactly.

26 Chris May 13, 2015 at 11:47 pm

Number 1 should be : I love 4e….

Cuz lets be real… 4e is utter garbage

27 Lv9 Atheist Cleric June 23, 2015 at 1:47 am

Captain Falcon & Chris:
That suggestion applies equally well to other editions.
Unless you LIKE spending all game doing mathematics, or having to reference 30 books to over-complicate your uber-optimized build of the week, or having your race determine your class…

You see where I’m going with this. Every edition has its detractors, its flaws, and its merits. None are “utter garbage,” except possibly Birthright. (Fun fact: 4e brought more new players to D&D than any previous edition. And a lot of those players still enjoy 4e, as well as expanding to other editions & games.)
Edition warring is childish. Let it go.

28 Bigrow Jacknest June 23, 2015 at 6:53 pm

I actually liked 4E, but while it brought in some new players, it mostly kicked out the existing ones (many went to PF and the rest started playing the OSR games they preferred anyway). Unfortunately, it 4E had the worst book sales, by far, and so they had to abandon it mid cycle. To this day, I’ve never seen a 2nd printing of the PHB. Even if you go to Barnes & Noble tonight and crack open a cover of a new book on the shelf, you’ll see First Printing 2008. I guarantee it. They generally print enough for about 6 months of sales, not wanting to invest in more than that knowing they’ll likely want to introduce errata to future printings. But even after 7 years, they’ve been unable to sell the first 4E printing out. There doesn’t seem to ever have been a second print run, meaning the books they expected to sell in the first 2 months are still sitting in warehouses 7 years later. It’s honestly a major bummer. 🙁

29 BrogueTheRogue July 18, 2015 at 8:57 pm

You have had some pretty crappy groups. 🙁

30 dan May 5, 2016 at 11:03 pm

A few of these have happened like encumberence we had a wizard with 7 str so she could hold her bug staff or her spell book not both the not taking a long rest will likely happen soon since me and the person who played the wizard are now both playing vampires I specialise in casting spells and they made a build that goes 40miles per hour and grapple and uses the math to do 20d6 to themselves and the enemy

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