Funny Feats

by Ameron (Derek Myers) on April 11, 2009

You don’t have to be 6-years-old to find something funny, but it helps. In fact some of the best humour comes from those innocent little children. So with child-like sensibility in mind I’ve created Funny Feats as my contribution to this month’s RPG Blog Carnival: Humour and Gaming hosted by A Butterfly Dreaming.

Fingers Crossed

Prerequisites: You must have at least one hand free.
Benefit
: By crossing your fingers on your turn you can ignore any adverse effects caused by a Warlock’s Curse or an Avenger’s Oath of Enmity. After all, your fingers were crossed, so it doesn’t count.
You also gain +2 to any Bluff check made while your fingers are crossed.

Cootie Shot

Prerequisites: You must be trained in Heal.
Benefit
: As a minor action you can protect yourself or an ally of the same sex from the cooties for the remainder of the encounter.
Damage from melee attacks made by members of the opposite sex do 1 less point of damage.
Special
: Accepting aid of any kind from an ally of the opposite sex negates the benefits provided by your cootie shot.

Insulting Rhyme

Prerequisites: The target must be able to hear and understand you.
Benefit
: You create a clever, yet insulting rhyme using your target’s name or race. You make a Diplomacy or Intimidate check vs the target’s Will. If successful, the target feels insulted and takes -1 to his next attack because he doesn’t want anyone to see that his feelings were hurt.
Sample rhymes:
– Here comes Braddoc, his breath smells like haddock.
– Watch out for Alaira, or she’ll give you malaria.
– The girl who kissed the dragon is in the corner gaggin’.
– I’m glad I’m not an elf, or I’d have to punch myself.

Red Rover, Red Rover

Benefit: When an enemy is between you and an ally, you can call to that ally, allowing him to move towards you. You must correctly shout “Red rover, red rover we call <PC’s name> over!” The PC named in the chant can immediately move his speed towards you using the most direct route. He still provokes opportunity attacks as usual, but gains a +1 to AC for each of his allies who join in the chant.

Do Over

Benefit: When you roll poorly on a skill check you get a do over. You must declare: “My first roll was just a practice roll and didn’t count.” You then re-roll the check you just made. If the new result is lower you can take your original roll, but you must quickly declare: “Just kidding, this was my practice roll, my first roll was the real one.”
Special
: This feat can only used once per encounter.

He’s Cheating!

Prerequisites: An ally must be able to see and hear you.
Benefit
: When an enemy takes an action that you don’t like, you can yell out that “He’s cheating!” You make a Bluff or Intimidate check vs the target’s Will. If successful, the target feels bad for cheating, retakes his action and must do something different.

Kiss It Better

Prerequisites: When you take damage you must fall prone, grab the wound, and start crying.
Benefit
: An ally may kiss the wound and make it all better, allowing you to expend two healing surges. This does not count as your Second Wind. If the kiss comes from an ally of the opposite sex, you gain a +1 bonus to your next attack roll or skill check.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Spike the Ubiquitous April 12, 2009 at 12:07 am

But..but.. what if I get some cutie to kiss it better and get cooties?

I really like those, and am thinking these could be fun to adapt to older editions.

You should add some kind of attack bonus for unarmed martial combat if the attacker is wielding a booger on his/her finger. :D

2 Ameron April 13, 2009 at 7:23 am

@Spike the Ubiquitous
Thanks for visiting Dungeon’s Master, Spike. How could I miss the “Booger Finger” attack?! If we run a second part to this article I’m going to use that for sure — and credit you with the inspiration, of course.
I’m glad you enjoyed these feats. I certainly had a lot of fun writing them. Even my wife (who is not a gamer and doesn’t usually have any interest in my blogging) read this post and had a few laughs.

3 Eilleen June 25, 2013 at 6:31 pm

xD I NEED MORE OF THESE!!!!! I think I will talk to my DM about all of us creating feats of our own >:D!

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